this one's not going to be pretty

I'm not really sure how to start this blog other than to say I'm not sure how things could get much worse. 

I have been fighting tooth and nail over the past week to not get sick. I have pushed my limits, tried to do all I can to get rest, ect. Well, it didn't work. I have not slept more than 4 hours a night in the last 4 days. I have not been able to stop coughing. At night my mind is racing. I miss my husband, and I am dealing with emotions, fears, feelings, ect that I have not experienced at this magnitude. I felt like things were snow-balling and I had no control over the physical/ mental issues I was dealing with. They finally caught up with me last night.

I took a sleeping pill in a desperate attempt to get some rest. After an hour or so in bed I woke up in a cold sweat and started coughing and dry heaving. ( hey, I warned you it wasn't going to be pretty). Up again all night, I felt like shit this morning. I went to work knowing I wasn't going to make it through the day, and knowing the repercussion that would come from that as well. I worked until my replacement came in, and headed to the doctor. After a chest x-ray and the most painful "nose probe" diagnostic test ( they stick a 6 inch needle up my nose into my sinus cavity), I found out I have whooping cough. As if that was not enough, I was on my way home, driving down Bethel Rd and without warning I threw up.... five times. While driving. 

So now I am home and I have two prescriptions, a pulled muscle in my side from coughing so much, an empty stomach that feels nauseous any time I think about food. Not to mention enough emotional baggage to fill a jet liner. Being sick makes everything else you are dealing with that much worse. I have not been able to stop crying for the last two hours. It's times like this that I miss Michael more than ever. I just want someone here to take care of me. I want someone to tell me everything is going to be ok, and have the capacity to actually believe them. 

Life is just a mess right now.....