this one is about me

for fear of being brutally honest and seeing my thoughts manifest themselves into actual words, i have not written lately. after taking the advice of a close and trusted friend, one who has been there a lot for me and has always had an open mind and a listening ear, i have decided to write again. decided is a big word. i don't really want to write. again, for fear of what might come out. but i am going to do it as a form of releasing what is in me. it might be good. it might be bad. i will not use proper punctuation or capitalized letters. i will not hold back, for if i do and i am not being honest, i will defeat the purpose of my writing. 

so why start a new blog? why not continue to post on Beautiful Disaster? because it's time to start new. it's time to learn about me and my life. my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, my dreams. they may change daily, yes. but i have learned that i have to adapt to my circumstances and make changes when necessary. isn't that what life is all about? learning about yourself through the various life changes you go through. teaching yourself to push through no matter how hard things get. not being afraid to ask for help when the time comes. not living in fear. 

delving into the emotional unknown is scary. to be honest, learning about myself and adapting to my situation scares the shit out of me.  i'm afraid it will hurt. i'm afraid of what i am angry about. i'm afraid of being a failure or letting someone down.  but you know what? it will happen. why? because i am human and i can only be strong for so long before i reach my breaking point. i need a minute to breathe...a minute to figure out my life...a minute to be weak. 

real. thats what i want to be. just me. my thoughts. my feeling. my desires. my life.

welcome to ink filled nights.