On becoming a mommy. The Birth.
There are so many things I want to capture in words about becoming a mommy. So many life changes, personal changes and stubborn mind sets that have been broken and it's only been a week! I could have written a blog every night with as many things that have happened and thoughts that have come into my head. But the reality is, establishing a routine and simply having the energy to write have proven far more difficult this first week than I imagined. However, on this rainy Saturday morning, one week after giving birth to my precious baby boy, Im sitting here with a cup of coffee and I finally have a moment to reflect on the highs (and lows) of my first week as "mommy". Im starting with "The Birth".
Birth was an amazing, beautiful, painful, scary and miraculous experience. I will certainly not sugar coat this experience with flowery words and poetic statements, as amazing an experience as it was, it hurt! We went to the hospital at 6 am to get things started. I had been in early labor with pretty strong contractions for a few days prior and was told to labor at home until they could get me into the hospital. I think they knew they were going to have to "help" things along. They were right. I was admitted at 2cm dilated and labored until about 8:30 am with no dilation progress. At that time the midwife came in to examine me and suggested a balloon catheter be inserted into my cervix to help me dilate further. This is when the real pain began. I was having very strong contractions and the catheter hurt! Every 30 min or so they would come in and "tug" at the balloon, opening my cervix further. This process took until about 1pm and when they pulled it out completely I was 5cm dilated and they broke my water.
This is when I chose to get an epidural. From 1pm to about 5pm I labored with VERY strong contractions but I was completely unaware of them and was able to nap for a while. They came in again about 5pm to check me and with all those contractions for the past 4 hours I had not progressed one bit. Still 5cm dilated and only 60% effaced. I noticed a bit of concern in my midwifes voice as she explained that we were possibly going to need to do a c-section because my body was just not progressing. She also wasnt sure if the baby was handling the stress of the labor and she wanted to introduce an internal electrical monitor to monitor his heart rate. She called in a doctor and they were prepping for a section if things didn't change quickly. She then had me lay the bed back and turn on my side and all the sudden it was like a tidal wave of pain took over my entire body. Im not sure exactly what happened to the epidural but it felt like it stopped working all together, except in my right leg. I could do nothing/ feel nothing in that leg, but everywhere else I could an intense pain. Pain like I had never in my life experienced. They were going to do one final check before inserting the internal monitor and when they checked I was 8cm dilated and 100% effaced. It was go time for baby and I was having this baby naturally! No c-section!
Around 7:20 or so I was ready to push. Now in my mind I thought you pushed 3 times and the baby was out. Ha! Boy was I wrong. I started pushing at 7:20 and the amount of pressure and pain I was in I simply cannot describe. It was awful. I never could have gotten through this labor without my husband supporting, encouraging and coaching me all the way through. He was my rock. About half way through pushing they had me put oxygen on, I had no idea why but I complied. (I later learned that the baby was in distress) Just when I thought I could physically take no more, they told me to give three more really hard pushes and my baby would be here. By this time I was sobbing from the amount of pain and I was so frustrated that he had not come out yet. I gave everything I had left in me and pushed as hard as I could. I felt a HUGE relief of pressure and at 8:15pm my beautiful baby boy was out!
I can't explain the joy of seeing your child for the first time. He was so alert and his eyes were so big and he just looked all around! At this point I was sobbing for a different reason. It was the combination of relief that all that pain was over and the overwhelming feeling a pure love. Its a love I have never in my life experienced. The look on my husbands face and the excitement I heard in his voice was so beautiful. We had created this perfect tiny little person and now our family of two was a family of three. All the pain I had gone through and all the anticipation that built over the past 9 months was more than worth it. This precious baby was in our arms and in our hearts forever now. I can not wait to experience all the ways he is going to change our lives. Welcome to the world Benjamin Robert! Your mommy and daddy are beside themselves in love with you.
Birth was an amazing, beautiful, painful, scary and miraculous experience. I will certainly not sugar coat this experience with flowery words and poetic statements, as amazing an experience as it was, it hurt! We went to the hospital at 6 am to get things started. I had been in early labor with pretty strong contractions for a few days prior and was told to labor at home until they could get me into the hospital. I think they knew they were going to have to "help" things along. They were right. I was admitted at 2cm dilated and labored until about 8:30 am with no dilation progress. At that time the midwife came in to examine me and suggested a balloon catheter be inserted into my cervix to help me dilate further. This is when the real pain began. I was having very strong contractions and the catheter hurt! Every 30 min or so they would come in and "tug" at the balloon, opening my cervix further. This process took until about 1pm and when they pulled it out completely I was 5cm dilated and they broke my water.
This is when I chose to get an epidural. From 1pm to about 5pm I labored with VERY strong contractions but I was completely unaware of them and was able to nap for a while. They came in again about 5pm to check me and with all those contractions for the past 4 hours I had not progressed one bit. Still 5cm dilated and only 60% effaced. I noticed a bit of concern in my midwifes voice as she explained that we were possibly going to need to do a c-section because my body was just not progressing. She also wasnt sure if the baby was handling the stress of the labor and she wanted to introduce an internal electrical monitor to monitor his heart rate. She called in a doctor and they were prepping for a section if things didn't change quickly. She then had me lay the bed back and turn on my side and all the sudden it was like a tidal wave of pain took over my entire body. Im not sure exactly what happened to the epidural but it felt like it stopped working all together, except in my right leg. I could do nothing/ feel nothing in that leg, but everywhere else I could an intense pain. Pain like I had never in my life experienced. They were going to do one final check before inserting the internal monitor and when they checked I was 8cm dilated and 100% effaced. It was go time for baby and I was having this baby naturally! No c-section!
Around 7:20 or so I was ready to push. Now in my mind I thought you pushed 3 times and the baby was out. Ha! Boy was I wrong. I started pushing at 7:20 and the amount of pressure and pain I was in I simply cannot describe. It was awful. I never could have gotten through this labor without my husband supporting, encouraging and coaching me all the way through. He was my rock. About half way through pushing they had me put oxygen on, I had no idea why but I complied. (I later learned that the baby was in distress) Just when I thought I could physically take no more, they told me to give three more really hard pushes and my baby would be here. By this time I was sobbing from the amount of pain and I was so frustrated that he had not come out yet. I gave everything I had left in me and pushed as hard as I could. I felt a HUGE relief of pressure and at 8:15pm my beautiful baby boy was out!
I can't explain the joy of seeing your child for the first time. He was so alert and his eyes were so big and he just looked all around! At this point I was sobbing for a different reason. It was the combination of relief that all that pain was over and the overwhelming feeling a pure love. Its a love I have never in my life experienced. The look on my husbands face and the excitement I heard in his voice was so beautiful. We had created this perfect tiny little person and now our family of two was a family of three. All the pain I had gone through and all the anticipation that built over the past 9 months was more than worth it. This precious baby was in our arms and in our hearts forever now. I can not wait to experience all the ways he is going to change our lives. Welcome to the world Benjamin Robert! Your mommy and daddy are beside themselves in love with you.
Amazing story and writing. Every birth is different I had a very different (less painful) experence so reading yours so detailed I was "rooting" you on halfway through your blog :) I don't know you very well...but babies and life is such a joy and I am so happy that you and your family are loving life. Congrats to you and your family! Enjoy, they grow up so fast...but everyday is a new wonderful experience!
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