Control vs. Faith
So it's 1:23 am and of course, my mind will not shut off. Something that has been weighing on me for over a week now, has come to the forefront of my thoughts. It's like God set different actions in place, put the thoughts in my head, and tonight they just all came together.
I started thinking about my faith and how over the past few months I have grown as person, yet fallen back on my faith. And I am not talking about my faith in God or my belief in Him, but rather my faith in God's ability to cover me, provide for me, protect me. God has shown me so many things about why I am here, who I am suppose to be and what he wants me to do with my life. He has also opened a door for me to get there, but it was up to be to make the decision. Go with what was "safe" and what I could control, or let God take care of me and have faith that He was able?
I chose to be in control.
And thats where I found myself tonight... questioning my decision. Let me explain.
I got a VERY good job offer from Saks Fifth Avenue. I interviewed when I was back in Ohio last week, but didn't get the best feeling about the job. I came home from the interview and told my mom that I was unsure of the job, and that even if they offered it to me, I was not sure I would take it. Something just didn't sit right with me about it.
The next day I went to the salon I was working at when I left Columbus. Avola Lanza is the name of the salon, and the women I worked with were a God send in all I went through during Michaels last few months. When I went into the salon I immediately felt at peace and at home. It was an amazing feeling, almost like I had come full circle and was back where I belonged. The salon had room for me to return to work there, full or part time.
So here is where the safety factor comes in. Contol vs. faith. Saks is a "safe" job. A steady income, medical benefits, retirement plan, ect. Long term goals are endless. If I wanted a career in the corporate retail world, I could go very far with this company.
Thats when I really had to open my eyes and examine what I wanted out of life, and where I saw my life going. My goal in this life is not to achieve "status". I want to make a difference. I want to live a life of love. I want to be there for people, I want to share life with people...both the good and the bad. After Michael died, it was too personal for me to go back to doing hair. I had invested so much of myself on a personal level with my clients, that I was just emotionally exhausted. I felt I had nothing left to give, not until I got myself healed.
I also still have hopes that one day I will marry again, and have a family. I don't want to be in corprate America when I have my family. I want to be able to raise my children and take care of my family. When you become a widow, you instantly begin to develop "plan b", but in the back of your mind, you still have hopes and dreams for eventually having the life you always wanted. And for me, that life is a family.
There is one more thing that factors into this equasion. In all I have been through, and all that God has taught me, I feel like I need to take that and share it. I won't go into too much detail now, but I want to be sure I have time to write. Write a lot. I know now that thats part of this plan.
So I have before me a very steady, safe, lucritive job offer or a job that my heart is in 100%, but would require me to put all of my faith in God for financial peace. My eyes were open tonight that this was a little test from God. How much do you trust me? Have I ever let you down? Have I ever forsaken you? After talking to a very dear friend tonight, someone who is just beging his journey of widow(er), I realized that life is about doing what is in your heart. Its about giving it all to God and saying, "you do this, because I can't". And I have faith that if I give this all to Him, He will. He is able.
So I'm going to listen to my heart. I'm going to work at the salon full time, start writing my book, and have faith that all of this, like my life, is in God's hands.
I started thinking about my faith and how over the past few months I have grown as person, yet fallen back on my faith. And I am not talking about my faith in God or my belief in Him, but rather my faith in God's ability to cover me, provide for me, protect me. God has shown me so many things about why I am here, who I am suppose to be and what he wants me to do with my life. He has also opened a door for me to get there, but it was up to be to make the decision. Go with what was "safe" and what I could control, or let God take care of me and have faith that He was able?
I chose to be in control.
And thats where I found myself tonight... questioning my decision. Let me explain.
I got a VERY good job offer from Saks Fifth Avenue. I interviewed when I was back in Ohio last week, but didn't get the best feeling about the job. I came home from the interview and told my mom that I was unsure of the job, and that even if they offered it to me, I was not sure I would take it. Something just didn't sit right with me about it.
The next day I went to the salon I was working at when I left Columbus. Avola Lanza is the name of the salon, and the women I worked with were a God send in all I went through during Michaels last few months. When I went into the salon I immediately felt at peace and at home. It was an amazing feeling, almost like I had come full circle and was back where I belonged. The salon had room for me to return to work there, full or part time.
So here is where the safety factor comes in. Contol vs. faith. Saks is a "safe" job. A steady income, medical benefits, retirement plan, ect. Long term goals are endless. If I wanted a career in the corporate retail world, I could go very far with this company.
Thats when I really had to open my eyes and examine what I wanted out of life, and where I saw my life going. My goal in this life is not to achieve "status". I want to make a difference. I want to live a life of love. I want to be there for people, I want to share life with people...both the good and the bad. After Michael died, it was too personal for me to go back to doing hair. I had invested so much of myself on a personal level with my clients, that I was just emotionally exhausted. I felt I had nothing left to give, not until I got myself healed.
I also still have hopes that one day I will marry again, and have a family. I don't want to be in corprate America when I have my family. I want to be able to raise my children and take care of my family. When you become a widow, you instantly begin to develop "plan b", but in the back of your mind, you still have hopes and dreams for eventually having the life you always wanted. And for me, that life is a family.
There is one more thing that factors into this equasion. In all I have been through, and all that God has taught me, I feel like I need to take that and share it. I won't go into too much detail now, but I want to be sure I have time to write. Write a lot. I know now that thats part of this plan.
So I have before me a very steady, safe, lucritive job offer or a job that my heart is in 100%, but would require me to put all of my faith in God for financial peace. My eyes were open tonight that this was a little test from God. How much do you trust me? Have I ever let you down? Have I ever forsaken you? After talking to a very dear friend tonight, someone who is just beging his journey of widow(er), I realized that life is about doing what is in your heart. Its about giving it all to God and saying, "you do this, because I can't". And I have faith that if I give this all to Him, He will. He is able.
So I'm going to listen to my heart. I'm going to work at the salon full time, start writing my book, and have faith that all of this, like my life, is in God's hands.
very glad you are taking the salon job...trust me, follow your heart :-) Learn from your mom, k?
ReplyDeleteI'm very proud of you Anya.
Mom