Never make anyone a priority when for them you're an option...

Wow. Now that is a powerful statement. There is no feeling like the one that cuts deep into you soul when you realize that you are an option to someone. When you are "waiting" for someone to decide if they want to be in your life or not, the control is taken away from you and you are left standing alone. You feel naked. Exposed. Vulnerable. Because every ounce of your being is holding on to something thats in someone else's hand. Every fiber in your body wants to be good enough and the pain of the thought of not being good enough eats you alive. You begin to question yourself and your worth. You wonder what you did wrong or what you could do better to make that person want you. To make that person go above and beyond to be with you or love you. You wonder what you have to do to become a priority to them.

And thats when it hits you. You can't make someone do anything. You can't make someone love you. You can't make them be with you. You can't make decisions for them. You can't make yourself a priority to them. You have to be strong enough to stand up and realize that while you may love them with everything inside of you, you have to love yourself enough to not allow them to determine your worth. You have to face the pain of losing what you love, even if you don't understand where it went. 

I never understood the whole love/ friendship thing. I think it's amazing how the human mind works when it comes to love and friendship. Do we really even know the vast, depth of the word love? Love is suppose to be unconditional and selfless. If we did, wouldn't we be happy for the ones we love, no matter where they go in life or what they do in life? I find it amazing that two people can be in a relationship and be in "love", but when that relationship dies all communication ceases? You treat the other person as if they didn't even exist. You are willing to throw away the years of friendship and joy? Tears and laughter and experiences together? Why? Is it to avoid the pain? Is it so you will never see what "could have been"? 

Why is it that we know how to love when in love, but can not love out of love?