Let it Rain

“Let it Rain”

By: Anya Sattely

Wednesday April 11, 2007-

I stood outside on my back patio tonight and let it all out. No more being strong, no more holding back...just screaming, yelling, crying. Frustration, anger, sadness, and loneliness, I fell to the ground and let it all out. As the clouds rolled quickly overhead, the wind began to pick up. The lightening in the distance grew closer, and the thunder cracked a bit louder. All of the sudden the sky opened up and rain fell like the tears from my eyes. The harder I cried, the harder it rained.

I came into the house and sat in the dark, watching the storm pass over. With every crack of lightening and every crash of thunder I felt the release of emotion from my body. The rain lasted long enough for me to pray through the personal storm that was wreaking havoc on my heart.

I know there will be times of anger that crash around me like thunder, there will be tears of sadness that fall like rain, and there will be flashes of beautiful memories that light up like lightening. But in every storm, whether on earth or within our heart, there comes with it a calm after the rain. I will find peace knowing that in time everything will be as it should. There will be sunshine. There will be blue skies. And I know that this too shall pass.

I wrote this blog eight days after my husband died of cancer at the age of 25.

I never expected to say good-bye to my Michael so soon. In fact, I never expected to say good-bye to him at all. We had our entire lives ahead of us. When a young life is cut short, we find ourselves with so many unanswered questions. Why are we here and they aren’t? Why are we left to deal with the pain and emptiness in our grieving heart? How are we supposed to find meaning and purpose in something so profoundly tragic?

I don’t have the answers to these difficult questions. All I know is what I have been through and how I’ve come out on the other side of it. The loss of my husband not only made me a stronger person, but it enabled me to be thankful for every single moment we are given in this life, both good and bad. I am here to witness to others that there is hope and there is joy and there is peace to be found after loss.

One of the most beautiful things I’ve discovered on the journey since my husbands passing is that we do not have to face life alone. When we need someone to walk along side us the most, God has already placed those people on our doorstep. I’ve met so many wonderful souls throughout my grieving process; people who shared their light and love, people who gave me hope and helped me find purpose.

Some of my deepest healing occurred when I allowed myself to be completely exposed and honest about the struggles I was facing. We have created such a culture of, “I can do this on my own” and in reality, we can’t. We need each other. So I encourage you, if you are in the midst of a storm and are drowning in sorrow, despair or loneliness, its ok. Let it rain. Reach out. Someone will be there to hold your umbrella until you are able to step back into the light.