When the lyrics of your love song change....
Sitting on my couch this morning at 10:30 am, I found myself in the midst of an all out pity party. I was still in my pajamas, hadn't brushed my teeth, hadn't showered and had a fussing baby on my lap. I was wondering why I didn't have it "together" like other moms, why I didn't have a schedule or routine and why I hadn't showered, answered emails, paid the bills, loaded the laundry, ran errands and prepared tonight's dinner. I wanted to see how other moms did it, what they wrote about and how they managed to "do it all" and make it look so easy and effortless. I searched "Top Mommy Blogs" in google and what I found completely changed my morning...
I stumbled upon a mommy blog called, "Living our Love Song: Although the Lyrics have Changed". With a now sleeping baby on my chest, I read this mothers blog and I couldn't help but cry with every word that came off of her page. This was the story of a mother watching her four month old daughter slowly pass away from a rare muscular disorder. My heart broke and my eyes filled with tears as I read her thoughts and could deeply feel her pain. Not only did it bring back memories of the loss I experienced 4 years ago, but it made me realize that I could not fathom losing my child. It reminded me that nothing else matters in life besides the love you give and the love you receive. It doesn't matter how much I get done, how organized or "scheduled" I am, and it certainly put into perspective that I don't have to fit into the "perfect mommy" mold. The only thing that counts in the end is how much I love my child and show him that love every single day.
I learned four years ago what it is like to lose a spouse. When cancer took my Michael I honestly had no idea what the future held for me. I remember feeling so lost and confused. I tried everything I could to bravely pick up the pieces and move on with my life. I made it seem on the outside like I wasn't falling apart on the inside. There had been so much that I wanted out of life and I felt all that slip away when Michael died. Not knowing what the future held, I was so scared that the lyrics of my love song were lost forever.
Thankfully God had other plans. Meeting Robert was the first time I had felt true joy and hope again. He was the blessing I needed and his love and friendship were fresh and pure and gave me real happiness again. In him I saw a future and an unwritten adventure that I could not wait to explore. With Robert love was effortless and for the first time since I had lost Michael, I didn't have to change who I was or what I wanted in life to fit someone else's expectation. With Rob, our love just was. And it was beautiful. A beautiful new love song.
The most amazing part of the past two and a half years with Rob is the beautiful gift our love created. Having Benjamin has changed my life in ways I never expected. I find myself in a place of transition at this time though. I'm sure every new mom goes through this, but I find that becoming a mom has and continues to redefine who I am as an individual. I had expectations of myself that I now know may never be met. I may never fit the mold of the "ideal" mom that I saw in my head. What I have discovered, and continue to discover, is that the amount of love I have for this child and for my husband grows exponentially everyday. I can't imagine anything happening to either of them, and reading that blog today gave me the perspective that I needed. Life is precious, and limited. I need to remember that it's not about what I do, but how I do it. If I do everything I can for these two, and I do it with purity and love, thats all that matters in the end. They lyrics of my love song may have changed... but I love this song! Thank you God for that reminder this morning.
I stumbled upon a mommy blog called, "Living our Love Song: Although the Lyrics have Changed". With a now sleeping baby on my chest, I read this mothers blog and I couldn't help but cry with every word that came off of her page. This was the story of a mother watching her four month old daughter slowly pass away from a rare muscular disorder. My heart broke and my eyes filled with tears as I read her thoughts and could deeply feel her pain. Not only did it bring back memories of the loss I experienced 4 years ago, but it made me realize that I could not fathom losing my child. It reminded me that nothing else matters in life besides the love you give and the love you receive. It doesn't matter how much I get done, how organized or "scheduled" I am, and it certainly put into perspective that I don't have to fit into the "perfect mommy" mold. The only thing that counts in the end is how much I love my child and show him that love every single day.
I learned four years ago what it is like to lose a spouse. When cancer took my Michael I honestly had no idea what the future held for me. I remember feeling so lost and confused. I tried everything I could to bravely pick up the pieces and move on with my life. I made it seem on the outside like I wasn't falling apart on the inside. There had been so much that I wanted out of life and I felt all that slip away when Michael died. Not knowing what the future held, I was so scared that the lyrics of my love song were lost forever.
Thankfully God had other plans. Meeting Robert was the first time I had felt true joy and hope again. He was the blessing I needed and his love and friendship were fresh and pure and gave me real happiness again. In him I saw a future and an unwritten adventure that I could not wait to explore. With Robert love was effortless and for the first time since I had lost Michael, I didn't have to change who I was or what I wanted in life to fit someone else's expectation. With Rob, our love just was. And it was beautiful. A beautiful new love song.
The most amazing part of the past two and a half years with Rob is the beautiful gift our love created. Having Benjamin has changed my life in ways I never expected. I find myself in a place of transition at this time though. I'm sure every new mom goes through this, but I find that becoming a mom has and continues to redefine who I am as an individual. I had expectations of myself that I now know may never be met. I may never fit the mold of the "ideal" mom that I saw in my head. What I have discovered, and continue to discover, is that the amount of love I have for this child and for my husband grows exponentially everyday. I can't imagine anything happening to either of them, and reading that blog today gave me the perspective that I needed. Life is precious, and limited. I need to remember that it's not about what I do, but how I do it. If I do everything I can for these two, and I do it with purity and love, thats all that matters in the end. They lyrics of my love song may have changed... but I love this song! Thank you God for that reminder this morning.
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