Being "who you want to be"

Have you ever heard someone say, or maybe even say to yourself, "I need to discover who I am and who I want to be"? How many times in our lives are we at a crossroad that leads us to the desire to "redefine" ourselves? I know I have been down this path numerous times, trying to "figure myself out" and attempting to decide who I want to be. But you know the realization I have come to? Why should I have to define who I want to be? It is humanly impossible to define myself as one single character and stick with that character throughout my entire life. And who would want that anyway? When you get to a point where you "decide" who you want to be, that leaves no room in your life for character development and growth. Who we are changes daily, and with every new experience we encounter we should embrace that change, and allow ourselves to become a better person for it. 

I know who I am. I know my character weaknesses. I know my character strengths. I know what I need to work on and improve upon, and I know what I love about myself. Does that mean I am the "same" person everyday? At the core, yes. But as I face different situations and different groups of people, I adapt to my surroundings and adjust who I am to meet the needs of the people I am with. Is that a bad thing? No. It would be impossible to act exactly the same way around a group of strangers, my family, a significant other, someone I am meeting for the first time, ect. There are levels of my personality that I allow only to be seen at certain times by certain people. I'm not going to be on the same level with everyone, and that is ok. What I do know is, being 28 years old I have learned enough about myself to know when I am trying to compromise who I am to someone for the wrong reasons. I may not see it in the moment, but in the back of my mind I know I am not being true to myself. And we all have been there. 

I stopped blogging for a while and that was a huge mistake. Writing is part of who I am. It releases everything in me and helps me express my thoughts and organize my feelings. It has also brought so many people into my life and has allowed me to share my story and help a countless number of people...people close with me and people I have never even met. I always said that if my experience can help at least one other person in what they are going through, then it was worth it. I have never gotten any bad feedback from sharing my thoughts and feelings and life with people. Quite the contrary to be honest. So many have thanked me for being so open and honest and that has become part of who I am and who I want to continue to be... someone who can be real in expressing myself through my writing. 

There are certain parts of my character that will always be with me and make up the person I am. There are good parts and there are bad parts. I have finally come to a point where I can see and identify my flaws and make a commitment to work on becoming a better person and developing my character. Does that mean I don't know who I am? No. That proves I know who I am. It proves that I can see every aspect of my persona and identify on different levels the good and the bad. Humans are complex characters and to be expected to "decide" who we want to be is not only impossible, but unhealthy as well.

I don't want to be the same person in every situation, in every group, in every day to day experience. Being an individual who is comfortable in my skin allows me the ability to identify with so many different people. It allows me to adapt to my surroundings and conform to the needs of others, while still maintaining the person I have become. I want to be a person who is constantly changing and growing, because that is what will enrich my life and make it full. I know who I am, but who I want to be changes everyday with every new experience I encounter. And that's ok. It keeps life exciting.