"Your Baby is Fat"
Eight months ago I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. From the moment her head lay on my chest there was an indescribable bond between the two of us, one that I simply can not put into words. As mothers we see things in our children that others do not see right away. We understand them in a way no one else can. Over the last eight months I have seen the personality of this sweet, snuggly girl really begin to blossom and let me tell you, there is something very special and beautiful about her.
Molly has such a gentle, fun-loving spirit. She is such a happy baby and has an amazing heart. She adores her big brother. The way she gets so excited when she sees her mommy and daddy and grandparents is just heart-warming. You can't help but smile when you are around her. I want Molly to grow-up understanding that she is beautiful and that the way she treats others and the love and kindness she exemplifies in her life will be what define her. I want her to understand that the beauty I already see in her little heart will naturally shine through her and that others will be drawn to her for that.
Lately I've found myself growing more and more concerned with the overwhelming responsibility of raising a girl in a society that is so image-obsessed. I want Molly to find her identity in the person God has made her, not a mold she is expected to fit into. I am astonished at the number of times someone has blatantly said something to me about her weight. Keep in mind that she is 8 months old. Society seems to lose their filter when it comes to giving unsolicited opinions to mothers anyway, but more often than not anymore, the first thing that comes out of someones mouth when I have my baby girl with me is, "Wow, your baby is fat!" or "Look at that belly!" or (in a concerned tone) "She's really big, isn't she?" (Yes, I have directly heard all 3 of those and more) I understand that many times people mean no harm by these comments, but hearing it repeatedly and sometimes even several times throughout a conversation really starts to get to you. It makes me anxious for the things that will be said to her when I'm not around. Things that, as a woman, can destroy you on the inside.
I used to laugh off the comments from others or make little jokes about them until I realized what I may be setting my daughter up for. I don't want her to think these kinds of words are acceptable. I don't ever want her to feel like her momma isn't her number one supporter. I don't want her to grow up with an unrealistic expectation of what it means to be beautiful. I don't want her to think that she has to look a certain way to be loved and accepted. I want to teach her the value of a healthy lifestyle, but I don't want want her to obsess over every extra holiday calorie, every dressing room fail, every family trip to get ice cream or every photograph she sees herself in.
And then I came to a sobering realization.
I don't want her to look at a picture of herself and think the same kinds of things that I do.
For as long as I can remember I have been extremely self-critical. Negative self-talk regarding my appearance has been a constant struggle for me since adolescence. I think it is for many women. I look back at pictures of myself over the years and I can vividly remember which cycle of self-loathing I was going through at that time. It's like a vicious cycle that gets progressively worse with time unless we fix it. If I'm going to be completely honest, my self-criticism is at an all-time high right now. My husband does and amazing job of building me up but I do an even better job of tearing me down.
They say when you are so far down though, there is nowhere to go but up.
There is a beautiful, innocent child before me now who is completely depending on me to teach her how to become a woman of virtue. It is my responsibility to raise her up to be a confident, secure woman who understands that her worth and value are not based on her physical appearance or her interpretation of that appearance. She can not, and will not learn this from me if she is constantly hearing me express words of personal inadequacy and shortcoming.
I need to fix this for her.
I need to lead her by example.
I need to show her that we are each made exactly how God wants us to be.
I need to break the chain of negative self-talk and insecurity.
I need her to see a confident and secure momma who invests in her health and beauty holistically, starting from the inside.
I need my daughter to believe her beauty.
Because I never, ever want my sweet baby girl to lose the beautiful spirit God has given her.
Molly has such a gentle, fun-loving spirit. She is such a happy baby and has an amazing heart. She adores her big brother. The way she gets so excited when she sees her mommy and daddy and grandparents is just heart-warming. You can't help but smile when you are around her. I want Molly to grow-up understanding that she is beautiful and that the way she treats others and the love and kindness she exemplifies in her life will be what define her. I want her to understand that the beauty I already see in her little heart will naturally shine through her and that others will be drawn to her for that.
Lately I've found myself growing more and more concerned with the overwhelming responsibility of raising a girl in a society that is so image-obsessed. I want Molly to find her identity in the person God has made her, not a mold she is expected to fit into. I am astonished at the number of times someone has blatantly said something to me about her weight. Keep in mind that she is 8 months old. Society seems to lose their filter when it comes to giving unsolicited opinions to mothers anyway, but more often than not anymore, the first thing that comes out of someones mouth when I have my baby girl with me is, "Wow, your baby is fat!" or "Look at that belly!" or (in a concerned tone) "She's really big, isn't she?" (Yes, I have directly heard all 3 of those and more) I understand that many times people mean no harm by these comments, but hearing it repeatedly and sometimes even several times throughout a conversation really starts to get to you. It makes me anxious for the things that will be said to her when I'm not around. Things that, as a woman, can destroy you on the inside.
I used to laugh off the comments from others or make little jokes about them until I realized what I may be setting my daughter up for. I don't want her to think these kinds of words are acceptable. I don't ever want her to feel like her momma isn't her number one supporter. I don't want her to grow up with an unrealistic expectation of what it means to be beautiful. I don't want her to think that she has to look a certain way to be loved and accepted. I want to teach her the value of a healthy lifestyle, but I don't want want her to obsess over every extra holiday calorie, every dressing room fail, every family trip to get ice cream or every photograph she sees herself in.
And then I came to a sobering realization.
I don't want her to look at a picture of herself and think the same kinds of things that I do.
For as long as I can remember I have been extremely self-critical. Negative self-talk regarding my appearance has been a constant struggle for me since adolescence. I think it is for many women. I look back at pictures of myself over the years and I can vividly remember which cycle of self-loathing I was going through at that time. It's like a vicious cycle that gets progressively worse with time unless we fix it. If I'm going to be completely honest, my self-criticism is at an all-time high right now. My husband does and amazing job of building me up but I do an even better job of tearing me down.
They say when you are so far down though, there is nowhere to go but up.
There is a beautiful, innocent child before me now who is completely depending on me to teach her how to become a woman of virtue. It is my responsibility to raise her up to be a confident, secure woman who understands that her worth and value are not based on her physical appearance or her interpretation of that appearance. She can not, and will not learn this from me if she is constantly hearing me express words of personal inadequacy and shortcoming.
I need to fix this for her.
I need to lead her by example.
I need to show her that we are each made exactly how God wants us to be.
I need to break the chain of negative self-talk and insecurity.
I need her to see a confident and secure momma who invests in her health and beauty holistically, starting from the inside.
I need my daughter to believe her beauty.
Because I never, ever want my sweet baby girl to lose the beautiful spirit God has given her.
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