The grace and disgrace of public assistance
For the past two years I have kept our use of public assistance as hush-hush as possible. I have listened to people make jokes about avoiding the store around "the first of the month", I've seen healthcare providers make rude and insensitive comments about patients on Medicaid and I have been directly on the receiving end of dirty looks and derogatory comments from store clerks when using our WIC coupons. For the past two years, I have been made to feel ashamed and embarrased of our need for help.
This political season has really shown the true colors of the friends and family around me. I never comment or post about politics because frankly, like religion, our political views are so vastly different that I can understand and appreciate various sides, while also understanding that we may see differently. And that's ok. I've seen several posts lately though about people who use public assistance and their lack of contribution to society and that makes me so sad. You may not realize when you express those thoughts or post rude and insensitive comments, that your brothers and sisters may be one of the people you are talking about.
I understand that there are people who abuse the system, I get that. I understand that there are those who expect a hand-out and want to do nothing in return to better their lives. But when comments are made and generalizations are passed about the character and integrity of everyone on public assistance, it hurts. To me it shows shallowness and close-mindedness. Do you really know that person in front of you using food stamps? Do you know where they have been or what they have been through, or what they are currently going through? It's easy to roll your eyes and sigh loudly to further embarrass them, but take a moment and try to think of what life is like in their shoes.
When my husband died at the age of 26, I found myself in a position I'd never been in before. We had supported each other financially and he carried the medical insurance to cover his treatments and any other costs that came with a cancer diagnosis. We both had incomes and we both were able to make our rent payments, utility payments and grocery bills. When my husband died, with no life insurance, I found myself in the situation of no longer being able to support myself. I was a hair stylist working on 100% commission with no medical insurance, no retirement benefits and no base salary to support myself if sales were down. I knew I needed to make a career change in order to give myself a better future.
I have been scolded several times by friends and family about how irresponsible it was to take out student loans. I wanted to scream anytime someone would say things like that to me. Choosing nursing school was a HUGE leap of faith for me because the academic part of learning nursing did not come naturally to me. There was no way I could put the time it took into school and studying and still hold down a full-time job. I worked part-time through school but working part-time was not paying the bills and putting food on the table. I needed those student loans to better my future and to help sustain me while I worked on that.
When Rob and I got married we were both in school and both working part-time. We quickly realized that for both of us to be in school at the same time was just not feasible. My husband began working full-time and I was working part-time and going to school full time. This is the part that gets me. My husband and I were being responsible. We were working and going to school. Even with a respectable full-time job, the hourly rate was enough to keep us below poverty level. We could not make ends meet. We applied for medical and food assistance and were approved.
I can not tell you how incredibly important and beneficial those programs were to us when we needed them. After making rent and utilities and gas, the food assistance kept us healthy and fed. We didn't abuse it, we didn't buy food for our family members or trade our food card for other stuff, we were responsible and resourceful, making the most of what we were given. Not a single month went by that we did not appreciate the help we were getting. It was, by far, the most humbling experience I have ever had in life. But sadly, it was also very painful and embarrassing. I was ashamed to admit that we used help. I was frustrated that we were trying to do good with our lives but were constantly judged by a society that had preconceived notions of those using public assistance. And often, that "society" included our friends and family.
The point I want to make in "coming out" with our story is that you never know what others are going through. Until you know how hard people are trying and what they have been through, cut them some slack. If you see a single mom in line at the grocery store using her WIC coupons, offer a compassionate smile instead of a judgmental glare and appreciate that she is nourishing her child. If you work in the health care industry and a family comes in on medicaid, instead of labeling them as lazy and worthless, appreciate that they care enough about their family to even seek out medical attention. And when you post comments generalizing the type of people on assistance, or talk about them among your circle of friends, consider the fact that your friend or family member may be the ones using those services in shameful secrecy. Public assistance, when used the way it is intended to be used, is such a powerful tool to rebuild lives and help those trying to become more than what their circumstances have dealt them.
We are off of all public assistance now, and I can honestly look back over the past two years, without shame or regret, and see how greatly it helped us get to where we needed to be. I am thankful that we were afforded that opportunity to humbly accept help when it was needed the most. I sincerely hope others in our situation can feel the same one day.
This political season has really shown the true colors of the friends and family around me. I never comment or post about politics because frankly, like religion, our political views are so vastly different that I can understand and appreciate various sides, while also understanding that we may see differently. And that's ok. I've seen several posts lately though about people who use public assistance and their lack of contribution to society and that makes me so sad. You may not realize when you express those thoughts or post rude and insensitive comments, that your brothers and sisters may be one of the people you are talking about.
I understand that there are people who abuse the system, I get that. I understand that there are those who expect a hand-out and want to do nothing in return to better their lives. But when comments are made and generalizations are passed about the character and integrity of everyone on public assistance, it hurts. To me it shows shallowness and close-mindedness. Do you really know that person in front of you using food stamps? Do you know where they have been or what they have been through, or what they are currently going through? It's easy to roll your eyes and sigh loudly to further embarrass them, but take a moment and try to think of what life is like in their shoes.
When my husband died at the age of 26, I found myself in a position I'd never been in before. We had supported each other financially and he carried the medical insurance to cover his treatments and any other costs that came with a cancer diagnosis. We both had incomes and we both were able to make our rent payments, utility payments and grocery bills. When my husband died, with no life insurance, I found myself in the situation of no longer being able to support myself. I was a hair stylist working on 100% commission with no medical insurance, no retirement benefits and no base salary to support myself if sales were down. I knew I needed to make a career change in order to give myself a better future.
I have been scolded several times by friends and family about how irresponsible it was to take out student loans. I wanted to scream anytime someone would say things like that to me. Choosing nursing school was a HUGE leap of faith for me because the academic part of learning nursing did not come naturally to me. There was no way I could put the time it took into school and studying and still hold down a full-time job. I worked part-time through school but working part-time was not paying the bills and putting food on the table. I needed those student loans to better my future and to help sustain me while I worked on that.
When Rob and I got married we were both in school and both working part-time. We quickly realized that for both of us to be in school at the same time was just not feasible. My husband began working full-time and I was working part-time and going to school full time. This is the part that gets me. My husband and I were being responsible. We were working and going to school. Even with a respectable full-time job, the hourly rate was enough to keep us below poverty level. We could not make ends meet. We applied for medical and food assistance and were approved.
I can not tell you how incredibly important and beneficial those programs were to us when we needed them. After making rent and utilities and gas, the food assistance kept us healthy and fed. We didn't abuse it, we didn't buy food for our family members or trade our food card for other stuff, we were responsible and resourceful, making the most of what we were given. Not a single month went by that we did not appreciate the help we were getting. It was, by far, the most humbling experience I have ever had in life. But sadly, it was also very painful and embarrassing. I was ashamed to admit that we used help. I was frustrated that we were trying to do good with our lives but were constantly judged by a society that had preconceived notions of those using public assistance. And often, that "society" included our friends and family.
The point I want to make in "coming out" with our story is that you never know what others are going through. Until you know how hard people are trying and what they have been through, cut them some slack. If you see a single mom in line at the grocery store using her WIC coupons, offer a compassionate smile instead of a judgmental glare and appreciate that she is nourishing her child. If you work in the health care industry and a family comes in on medicaid, instead of labeling them as lazy and worthless, appreciate that they care enough about their family to even seek out medical attention. And when you post comments generalizing the type of people on assistance, or talk about them among your circle of friends, consider the fact that your friend or family member may be the ones using those services in shameful secrecy. Public assistance, when used the way it is intended to be used, is such a powerful tool to rebuild lives and help those trying to become more than what their circumstances have dealt them.
We are off of all public assistance now, and I can honestly look back over the past two years, without shame or regret, and see how greatly it helped us get to where we needed to be. I am thankful that we were afforded that opportunity to humbly accept help when it was needed the most. I sincerely hope others in our situation can feel the same one day.
Thank you for this post. I think the more people see that those using safety net programs are real people and not the "dregs of society" the more they will make responsible political choices and, more importantly, the less they will divide society into "this" class or "that" class. We also applied for public assistance at one time but were lucky in that my wife landed permanent work before we had to actually use it.
ReplyDelete