Lilli's Light

The 7th grade is such an awkward transition stage in life. You go from being in elementary school, where nothing matters other than who you play with on the playground, to a whole new world of make-up, clothes, popular kids and boys. I distinctly remember how hard the 7th grade was for me. I was trying to figure out who I was, trying to fit in with the "popular" kids and I remember thinking that Leslie Mehl was the coolest, prettiest 8th grader there was! I was tiny. I was short, I had braces, I couldn't fit into any of the "teen" clothes and unlike most of the other girls, I had not "sprouted". ;o) I got made fun of a lot for the way I looked and I just remember that year being very difficult for me.

That is the year I met Jenny. Jenny Flora was one of my first "best friends". She was someone who was just so kind hearted and sweet. Jen never said anything bad about anyone, she never made fun of anyone, and most importantly, she was nice to me. She was someone I could talk to, laugh with and confide in. My most favorite memory of the 7th grade was the time Jen and I spent together after school. We would go to Dairy Queen almost daily and just sit and talk and do homework. I knew if I had a bad day I could talk to Jenny after school and everything would seem to be ok. I remember us crying together sometimes, and I remember us talking about how we couldn't wait to be 8th graders. Because then we would be cool of course ;o) Jen meant the world to me, and although she didn't know it at the time, she saved me that year. Jen's friendship got me through one of the most difficult years of my adolescence.

Jen and I lost touch throughout the years, but when someone has that much influence in your life, you never really lose the connection. I knew through friends and via Facebook that Jen had married a Marine, Mike, and had a little boy named Jack. What I didn't know was that Jen and her husband had also had a little baby girl, Lillianna. I learned about Lilli about a month ago, and the news that came with it broke my heart. Lilli had just been taken to the ER and after extensive tests they found two tumors in her brain. She was scheduled to have brain surgery to remove the tumors and to learn the extent of her illness. A few days leter baby Lilli was diagnosed with AT/RT, a rare and rapid growing pediatric brain cancer.

Jen had set up a CaringBridge website for Lilli. CaringBridge is a site dedicated to families going through lengthy illnesses. I have been keeping updated on Lilli's progress through this site and today Jen posted that a cross-country prayer was being set up for 9pm in honor of little Lilli.

As I went outside tonight at 9pm to pray, I noticed fireflies everywhere. I hadn't seen many yet this summer but tonight they filled our yard, lighting up the sky. I sat praying for Lilli. I prayed for peace and comfort and healing. I prayed that her little body would be pain-free and that she would simply be at ease tonight. I prayed for Mike and Jen and thier family, that they would feel surrounded by love and hope, comfort and peace.

When I finished praying, I was just watching the fireflies when the song, "This little light of mine", came into my head.

"This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine."

I started praying again for Lilli. I prayed that God would continue to let her light shine. I prayed that Lilli's light would shine bright forever.

I then thought of this song from a mothers point of view, "This little light of mine"... This little child of mine.

Jen, may God give you peace that passes all understanding. May he watch over you and your family, and heal your precious baby girl. You may have never known it Jen, but you were my light once, your love and friendship shined so bright when I needed it most. May your precious little light continue to shine forever...